Have you ever wanted to make up your own Christmas card messages???
Well I have always wanted to do that. Especially for some people.
Here's a Christmas note for friends, telling them about the family: Hubby dubby had three surgeries and wow he was really addicted to the drugs they gave him, but he's been in Betty Ford's clinic. He was acting like Rush Limbaugh and rolling his eyes a lot and saying ching-chang-cha so we knew he was in bad shape. He would roll his eyes some more and say we were being selective and we knew right then he was over the cliff. Now he's doing better and if Rush can handle it so can hubby dubby. The rest of the family misses his presence but the family sure is having a good holiday season right now while he's gone.
A particular message for instance....I knew this promiscuous person, so her message would be: Merry Christmas and have a good time during the holidays, but don't get pregnant.
Another would be: Bah Humbug. Don't expect to get anything from me this year....you're off my list.
Yet another one for those promiscuous people: I told Santa where you lived. Do you hear him say HO HO HO....I think he's scoping out the area for you! He's calling your name....Merry Christmas.
For a former boyfriend: This is the happiest Christmas I've ever had since you dropped me as your girlfriend. Merry Christmas you jerk.
Another for a former boyfriend: Merry Freaking Christmas. And the same for your girlfriend, if you still have the same girlfriend you had when we were together.
For a former friend: Santa left this sack for you. It smells like your breath. I think it contains sh*t. Merry Christmas.
For a sibling, whom you are having a fight with: Merry Christmas.
You're getting the same thing from me that you gave me last year. Nothing.
Just a funny for an older grandma type person you don't like: Merry Christmas. I thought I saw you go by in Santa's sleigh. After all Grandma got run over by a reindeer, so Santa pulled you in the sleigh huh?
These messages would be given with lots of love and meaning. And I do mean "meaning" and pointedness!!
Things I remember about Christmas when I was a kid.
1. We always had a Christmas present exchange in our grade school classes. One year, a boy stole some of the presents which had been brought in and put under the small tree. The school officials knew who did it and so did us kids. The boy was from a very poor family. The teacher bought presents to replace those stolen.
2. I remember going to Steinberg Baum to shop for Christmas presents. This store was one of the first discount stores in Springfield and was on south ninth street south of South Grand.
3. I remember Christmas shopping in downtown Springfield and Myer's Bros. windows were fantastic....all decorated beautifully. And when you walked down the street it really was crowded...but of course there were no malls or strip malls then. We would go to Myers Bros, Bressmers, JCPenny, Barkers, Springfield Dry Goods, Westenberger's, Berger Seigel, The Platter and the Hub. Then we would eat at Coney Island or Woolworth's lunch counter or Steak and Shake. And we would buy pastries and other sweets at the B & Z Bakery.
4. I remember watching Miracle of 34th Street every year.
5. I remember getting dolls each year from Santa and going to both my Grandma Julie's in Middletown and my Grandma Elvie's and Grampa Alvie's in Greenview on Christmas Day. I remember my grandma always cooking the Christmas duck (icky taste and buckshot in the meat).
6. I remember the huge wooden Santa my dad always put in our front yard with a spotlight and then he wouldn't take in down until February.
Caramel Recipe
In case you need a caramel recipe, here's mine. Everyone in town used to say mine were the best. (Walking away with a big smile.)
CARAMELS
4 cups sugar
3 cups white syrup
5 cups ½ and ½
1 tsp. vanilla
1 cup chopped nuts
Mix sugar, syrup, 2 cups ½ & ½ together on med hi cook to soft ball stage
(235). Then slowly add 3 cups ½ ½ and cook again to 238 degrees, constantly stirring
and will take another 30 minutes. Add
vanilla and nuts and pour into buttered jelly roll pan. Makes about 4 -5 pounds. Be sure to use dutch oven to cook in due to
boiling volume.
I pledge to get on the ball and begin to get things done around here. Stuff is sliding, but we've had a few things going on so I guess some of the things can wait.
Hope your Christmas Holiday plans are going well. It won't be long and we will be there and it will be over and we can do the clean up and putting away of the decorations. And begin to recover from the financial drain it puts on everyone. Amen.
Thanks for coming to my blog.
Hope to see you again.
4 comments:
I remember the large Santa in your front yard with the spotlight
Ken Dirks
OMG! These christmas messages for cards are simply hilarious and funny! I might use your example for my former boyfriend. Thanks for sharing girl!
I was thinking of what to write in a christmas card and I came across to this post. This gave me an idea! They are funny! Very nice Happy Holidays!
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