Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Idiot's Guide To Opening Child Proof Medicine Bottles

Why can't I understand how to open these bottles?

Medicine comes in bottles.  Lids are on those bottles.  The lids are child proof.  I can't get them open, so does that mean I'm a child?  Wahhhhh I don't want to live in a child proof world.  It's too confusing to a person who is past their childhood.

I stand and look at the medicine bottles lined up on the counter.  Those cute little spinner lids are on top of most of the bottles.  Push down and twist or turn is says on some.  Line up the arrows on others.  What arrows????  I can't see any arrows......probably because I need new reading glasses. 

I push down and nothing happens.  The lid spins because I don't have any strength.  Plus it hurts my hands and fingers to push down hard.  Cripes....how can I get in this bottle?

I call the pharmacy and ask them....they tell me just what the bottle says.  I ask if they could send someone to my house to get the dang bottles open...but they laugh at me.  But,the pharmacy tells me that I can sign a form so that the next time they will put on non-child proof lids.  I signed that form before.....oh I see, it's expired and I need to sign a new form before they will not put child proof lids on.  Ever hear of asking me to sign a new one when the old one expired???

Mean while back at the ranch, how do I get these bottles open?  Ah ha....I have the solution.  Go to the garage and get a hammer and a screwdriver.  I try to pry the lid off....the screwdriver slips and I about run it through my artery in my wrist.  So next comes the hammer.  I tap the lid...the bottle spins around and flies across the room.  How on earth am I going to get this open.  So I take it to the garage and put it in the vise and hit it with the hammer.....the bottle is open but the pills are all over the floor.  Yummy....pills covered in motor oil....sounds good for me.....a real thickener in the veins because I remember it was 20-W-45 Pennzoil.  Too bad it wasn't that new fangled slick oil.

I carefully and painfully stoop and pick up the pills and put them in a non-child proof sandwich bag.  Then I get the next pill bottle and put it in the vise....I can see this is going to be a pill poppin day.....Geeze...getting old sucks!


Old Tyme Greenview Stuff

1968 -  The Corner Cafe was damaged by fire on January 2.  Mr. and Mrs. Tom Smothers, owners of the building, were stranded in Campbellsville, KY by snow covered roads en route home from vacationing in Florida at the time of the fire.

1968 -  West Food store closed in January.

1968 -  Mrs. Martha Hovey Pippin was notified of the death of her husband, David, in Vietnam.  David was wounded on February 3 and died on February 13 in a hospital in the Phillipines.

1968 -  Edwin Otte resigned as pastor of the Greenview United Church.

1968 -  Don Riley and Alva Montgomery were presented fifty year membership pins in the Greenview Masonic Lodge ceremonies held March 5.

1969 -  The Christian Church marked its one-hundreth birthday at special services on March 9.

1969 -  Jim's Coin Wash began operation in Greenview with Jim Hornback as owner.  The coin wash is located in the building which was formerly the Owl Garage on Route 29.

1969 -  The fiftieth birthday of the American Lgion was celebrated with a dinner and program on March 17.

1969 -  Reverand William Yueill was installed as the new pastor at the Greenview United Church on July 13.

1969 -  Elton Ennis, Marie Ennis, Gladys Montgomery and Elvia Montgomery were all recipients of a fifty year pin in the Order of the Eastern Star at a meeting held on September 8.

Thought For The Day
Hope is a thing with feathers
that perches in the soul;
and sings the tune without words
and never stops at all.
--Emily Dickinson

Ways to get rich quick (not guaranteed of course):
(and may be bad ideas too)

1.  Buy a winning lottery ticket.

2.  Rob a bank.

3.  Close out your husband's retirement plan without him knowing it.

4.  Get a cash advance on several credit cards at 25.94%.

5.  Play craps at the casino. 

6.  Invest everything you have in stocks (and hope the market doesn't crash).

7.  Take extra tax deductions.

Well....I don't recommend these but these are some people do use to hope to get rich quickly.  Hmmmm....I think they would do better to get a
J O B.  But what do I know?




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