How To Pick A Bottle Of Wine

Wine Wine The Musical Fruit.....Drink that is.

Directions for picking a bottle of wine are simple.  Go into the store.  Go to the Wine Department.  Start looking for bottles with caps rather than corks.  Corks are hard to get out of the bottle and make the wine more expensive.

Look for a name which looks German.  German wines are tasty.  If it looks like it was made in someone's backyard, don't buy it as it will give you the sh*ts.   You can tell these by looking for dirt on the bottle or crud floating on the inside.

Caps on the bottle will assure you easy entrance to the beautiful and glorious wine product.  Just give the cap one smooth twist and the cap will be off.  Caps might give you the idea the wine is cheap, but it might still be really tasty as long as the cap hasn't rusted on the underside.

Red wines go really well with beef bologna.  It cuts the fat and proteins in beef so "Red" is always a good choice when your bologna is made with beef.  When you eat pasta, your wine choice depends on the pasta sauce.  Good old goulash made with tomatoes and ground turkey is best with an Italian white wine.  It doesn't matter what the cost is as long as it tickles your taste buds.  Again, make sure it hasn't been made by three men and their six mules.  Best to taste it and as long as it doesn't taste like shoe polish, keep tasting it until you're satisfied with the cheapness.  Make sure these cheap wines DO NOT have a cork as the cork might be eaten by the wine and that ain't good.

Of course good old cheap Port sometimes can show you a good time.  It used to be known as the drink of winos....now it's just a generic wine.  But watch it!  It can lead to a life of wine crime.....so don't drink it all the time.  Generic wine just ain't for the living or, for those who want to go on living.

At this time,  I'm donning my wine buying attire.  A shawl, a bandanna over one eye, a hat with a big brim, and a shopping bag.  My only hope is no one recognizes me as I buy my rot gut, my Boone's Farm and my Port generic wines.  They might notice me more if I went undisguised....or maybe not.

Old Things
(you can click on most photos to get an enlarged view)

Lincoln Developmental Center opened

in 1878 as the Lincoln State School for

feeble minded children....closed in 2002.

J C Penney downtown Lincoln, IL

J C Penney, Lincoln, 1923 advertisement,

The Night Before Christmas

Tropics, Lincoln, interior.  Unknown date.

Lincoln Tropics Sign, Unknown date.

Quote For The Day

Forgive your enemies,

but never forget their names.

--John F. Kennedy

When I was in the Miss America Pageant, it was a truly traumatic experience.

The bathing suit I wore was a nice one piece I had since high school, and this pageant was 15 years later.  The evening dress I wore was the one I wore at the senior prom.  It had a slight stain from the punch but, it wasn't too noticeable. 

At the time, I was still wearing "high hair" in the front, with about one can of hair spray per "do".  That style stayed in for years after high school, but the other pageant contestants didn't know that and were wearing longer and more straighter cuts.  Poor things!  Who could not like the "bouffant"!!!

I made it through the swimsuit part, then the evening gown, and then came the question drawing.  I reached in and drew out my question.  When I was handing it to the master of ceremonies, it fell out of my hand.  I just knew that I had lost at that point.  Dropping the questions, was a taboo.  Then the emcee asked the question!  "If you could be on the cover of any magazine, which would it be and why?"

My answer to the question was quite easy.  I knew that all men liked Playboy magazine and loved to look at the cover and the centerfold and that really mattered to me, so my answer was "Playboy".  And the why part was easy too .....  I said I wanted to be noticed!  Everyone clapped and I just knew I'd won.

The names of the runners-up began, but mine wasn't read so I just knew I was going to get that crown.  Then the emcee said they were going to announce the winner of the comedian award.....he said my name....I won that award for the funniest contestant, chosen by the other girls in the pageant.  Dang it, I didn't want to win this award.....I wanted that crown.  But no, I didn't win.

The moral of this story is definitely:   if you ever are in a Miss America contest, be sure to get your ball gown cleaned first so the spot doesn't show.  And keep your funny mouth closed, as you definitely don't want to win that funniest contestant award .....  Miss Congeniality maybe, but not the most likely to be funny.  And probably need to say you would like to be on the cover of the Magazine called Time rather than Playboy.  Oh well, maybe in my next life.

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